A Certified Divorce Coach and help you consider the options of separating you from you or your spouse from your mortgage. The article suggests several alternatives:

1- Buy time. The couple finalizes their divorce, but continues to co-own the home while waiting for rates to fall. This can be a pricey and socially difficult option if the partners remain owners, but stay in the home together.

2- Continue living together while you ‘wait and see’. Few are willing to give up their home and their low mortgage rate and move to a house that costs more because the interest rate is higher.

3- Co-owning the home until a certain milestone, such as their youngest child graduating from high school.

4- Sale leasebacks. Some couples are turning to sale lease-backs, where one individual sells the home to the other, and then rents it back from them with the option to repurchase their share later.

5- Refinance. Buy your independence by refinancing but understand that with the new title to the house comes a much higher monthly mortgage payment.

6- Assume the existing Mortgage. Some banks will allow the assumption of the spouse’s obligation at the existing rate. Many FHA and VA loans my be “assumed” by other people, particularly ex-spouses. In this process, the bank may permit one spouse to take over the existing mortgage at the same rate. According to the article, Fannie Mae guidelines give lenders some discretion to grant assumptions to people who are going through life transitions. Borrowers have to qualify for the mortgage and must be able to afford it on their own.

The Bottom Line. There are many financial issues at play in any divorce. Working with a divorce coach can help you prepare for your divorce, make the most of the situation, and mitigate the financial impacts of the transition. Set up an introductory discovery session or call with Peter Klose. The first consultation is absolutely free.

Married couples sometimes reach an impasse where staying together seems impossible, but fully separating also feels premature. This limbo leads some couples to try a trial separation – living apart for a set period while postponing a decision about divorce.

A trial separation has no legal framework – unlike a legal separation ordered by a court. The informal status means spouses lack legal protections around finances, property, and debts. For example, any assets acquired during the separation are still considered marital property if the couple reconciles. One spouse could secretly incur significant debts that legally impact both spouses.

The financial risks increase if a trial separation drags on indefinitely. Some states require a period of living separately before granting a no-fault divorce. But until divorce papers are filed, all property and debts accrued remain shared. The longer the separation, the more complicated untangling the finances becomes, especially if one partner dies or becomes seriously incapacitated, moves, or otherwise disappears.

A trial separation also freezes the circumstances dictating alimony, child support, and custody. If laws or personal finances change significantly before an eventual divorce, one spouse may benefit over the other in the final settlement. There’s also nothing stopping one spouse from moving to a state with more favorable divorce laws before filing the paperwork.

Emotionally, reconciliation becomes less likely the longer spouses live apart. Time apart diminishes the feelings of loss and longing that often draw couples back together initially. The sense of permanence and closure needed to move on grows.

Ultimately, a trial separation represents a holding pattern – prolonging a decision about the marriage without providing any real resolution. For couples debating a trial separation, it may be worth considering whether to either commit to reconciling, or to make the break definitively through divorce. Lingering in limbo often makes moving forward harder for both spouses in the end.

Separation versus Divorce

Not every state allows legal separation. Some require a period of separation before filing for divorce or dissolving the marriage.

A legal separation is a court order outlining the rights and duties of a married couple living apart. A divorce legally ends the marriage. With legal separation, the spouses are still married but live apart. The court decides:

– Separation maintenance: Spousal and child support, distinguished from post-divorce alimony/child support. Separation maintenance set by the court influences later divorce proceedings.

– Child custody and visitation

– Property division

The temporary order of legal separation can help couples work through issues while living apart. But ultimately, couples either need to reconcile or finalize a permanent divorce. Lingering indefinitely in legal limbo risks complicating the eventual divorce.

Here is a good local reference to the types of separation in New York.

As a divorce coach, my clients often express reservations about divorce, trepidation about separating and anxiety about staying together. I am happy to discuss these feelings with you and devise a strategy to move toward taking control over the situation. Give me a call, or contact me here. I look forward to working with you.

Not every couple is destined to divorce, even if you have been thinking about it for a long time. But, shouldn’t you be ready and stable and able to separate if you need to, or have to or are forced to sever the ties. Here are some tidbits to consider to organize yourself for the clean sweep divorce process.

Preparing Financially and Emotionally for Divorce

Going through a divorce can be an overwhelming and turbulent time. Your whole life is about to change. While the legal process moves forward, there are important steps you should take to get your finances in order and prepare emotionally for this transition. Being proactive now will empower you to weather the challenges ahead and move forward on steady ground.

Assess Your Earning Potential:

If you’ve been out of the workforce raising children, realistically evaluate your current job qualifications and employability. Consider pursuing additional education or training now to boost your career prospects later. Learn about job opportunities, typical salaries, and skills needed in fields you’re interested in. Building your earning potential will provide greater financial stability after the divorce.

Establish Your Credit: 

Make sure you have credit cards and loans in your own name, separate from your spouse. If you don’t, apply for your own credit cards now and start building your credit history. If you have poor credit, work on paying down debts and improving your credit score before the divorce. Good credit will help you qualify for future loans including mortgages or car loans. You want to be able to independently access credit after the separation.

Save Your Own Nest Egg:

Start setting aside money in a personal savings account. Whether you end up filing for divorce yourself or your spouse does, you’ll need funds to cover expenses. Savings will help you pay bills if your spouse moves out and stops contributing. Money saved also allows you to pay legal retainer fees when you’re ready to initiate divorce proceedings. 

Put Your Kids First:

Make your children the top priority and maintain normal routines for them throughout the divorce process. If tensions run high, create a set schedule where you and your spouse each spend separate time with the kids to minimize conflict. Stay actively involved in your children’s school and extracurricular activities. Never disparage your former partner in front of your kids. Divorce takes an emotional toll on children too. Putting their needs first and keeping their lives as stable as possible will help them through this challenge.

Preparing both financially and emotionally before filing for divorce can empower you for the road ahead. Take steps to improve your earning ability, establish independent credit, save money, and focus on your children’s well-being. While divorce involves many legal complexities, being proactive allows you to stabilize your finances, strengthen your foundations, and prioritize your kids. Taking charge of these areas will help anchor you during a difficult transition.

As a lawyer, I enjoy the intellectual challenge of untangling complex legal issues involving families, real estate, and small businesses.   I find satisfaction relating to everyday problems, advocating for my clients and guiding them through challenging situations.  As my kids have grown and my career as a small town attorney has evolved, I noticed that legal expertise wasn’t enough. My clients needed more than just knowledgeable legal advice – they needed support and guidance to rebuild their lives after divorce, disputes, litigation and trouble.

This evolution rekindled an interest I  had as a communications major at Cornell University, and I met a local divorce coach who suggested I become certified.   I started researching the field and discovered my legal background coupled with coaching techniques could truly help people transition through divorce and other conflicts in a more organized and healthy way. A few key experiences solidified my decision to pursue this new career path:

Empathy for Clients’ Suffering

Seeing first-hand the emotional toll that conflict brings to everyday life, especially divorce, made me want to do more to ease clients’ pain. I hated seeing them devastated and overwhelmed. Though I could provide legal help, I knew they needed more support. This motivated me to learn coaching skills focused on finding less conflict, healing and growth after divorce.

Love of Problem-Solving 

I’ve always enjoyed analyzing problems and creating solutions. Divorce presents a host of complex financial, emotional, and logistical issues to work through. As a coach, I get to blend my problem-solving abilities with an understanding of communication to help clients overcome divorce challenges in an organized, thoughtful manner.

Desire to Make a Difference

Being an effective advocate as a lawyer showed me how good it feels to truly make a difference in clients’ lives. As a divorce coach, I can support people in a broader way – helping them rediscover self-confidence, manage difficult emotions, co-parent effectively, and craft fulfilling post-divorce lives. I want to empower individuals to thrive after divorce.

Passion for Personal Growth

Part of my coaching approach involves fostering clients’ personal growth. I believe divorce, though painful, presents opportunities to learn and become stronger. As a naturally critical person, I have used this opportunity to focus on optimism and have used the extensive divorce coach training to seeks out my own growth experiences.   I’m eager to inspire that journey of self-discovery in others.

Belief in Holistic Support

Divorce takes a toll on every aspect of life – financial, emotional, physical, parental, social. As a lawyer, I could only advise on limited legal matters. As a coach, I can take a big picture view and provide holistic support on all divorce-related issues. My multifaceted coaching and ability to refocus the issues at hand enables real transformation.

Commitment to Collaboration

I never tell clients what to do – I collaborate with them to set goals and find solutions. The coaching relationship is a thinking partnership, with me guiding the process and empowering clients to define their optimal paths forward after divorce. My commitment to teamwork makes coaching a fulfilling career.

Ultimately, the desire to bring more of my true self – my problem-solving skills, compassion for others, love of growth – to positively impact clients’ lives led me to divorce coaching. Now I have the privilege of blending my professional expertise with my personal values to help individuals rediscover hope after divorce. Supporting that transformative journey is what motivates me every day in this rewarding career.